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Hi need peer review on my short story (grammar help etc). very short?

*You can correct (spelling,grammar….commas periods etc ) on the story.You can edit it on
*You can include anything. I really want to get an A.
-I am bad at writing but I REALLy tried. Thank you
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I had to get a newspaper article and make a story of it:

She had golden locks that resemble a cascade of waters. Her name was Neumann and she was in the 9th grade. Active as can be she joined the cross country team and found herself excelling. However, Neumann started noticing that she lost 10 pounds and became extremely irritable. She did not want to go to Mother of our Redeemers Catholic church and this was very unusual since Neumann used to love attending church and she was in the church chorus as well as the church youth group but her decrease passion towards church made her parents fret. Neumann was a petite girl who wandered from place to place with a careless motion,she had a boyfriend named Jacob who loved her dearly. Neumann was feeling very sick that week and after going to the doctor with her boyfriend Jacob she confirmed she was pregnant. Her parents did not know what was going on and she was too scared to tell them so she decided to keep it a secret until she had the strength and courage to tell them. Days passed and her symptoms increased to the point that her parents began to notice something was wrong and her parents asked her if she wanted to go to the doctor “No I am fine it will pass”, she said. Her biggest fear was going to the doctor with her parents and having the doctor say she was pregnant. Two days later as she was sprinting outside she felt so sick she collapsed. Her coach immediately called her parents and Neumann was rushed to the doctors. “Your daughter had a Diabetic Ketoacidosis”, the doctor said. “There is nothing our god can’t cure”, said the mother. The doctor prescribed some medication but her father politely refused he said there god will heal her by natural remedy. From that day on her parents began taking her to church while her condition became worse. She had diabetes and she knew she needed medicine. “Mom I need medicine. I can’t depend on this church. This is ridiculous I’m going to die!”, said Neumann. Her mother ignored her as she rubbed holy water all over her head. Two months later Neumann died. Jacob took it upon himself to convict Neumann’s parents of reckless homicide for using prayer rather than medical care for their dying daughter and her unborn child.